One Year Later: A Look Back
The following was in my personal Facebook memories today. I’m so thrilled to look back and see how far we’ve come, how much we’ve grown in the span of a year. A year ago, I was just beginning to appreciate tarot and learning to trust my intuitive gifts. A year later, and my gifts have expanded, as has this beautiful community. To say I’m grateful is an understatement.
Here’s where I was last year:
“I’ve been putting this post off for the past few weeks, months, even years, even as my heart has been calling me to it. Nearly all of my hesitation has been due to fear: how will others react, who will understand, will I be accepted? But part of my spiritual journey this past year—what began decades ago and accelerated these last few months—has been remembering who I really am and learning to speak that truth.
This year has been one of the most painful and beautiful I’ve experienced in my life. Painful because it has been a journey of true healing—not just of the body from disease but of the mind, of the heart, of the spirit. Old wounds that left aged scars have come to the surface to be cleared away by light. I’ve faced these traumas, I’ve faced my shadows, I’ve faced myself.
It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.
But what has come from bringing that darkness to light is a lightening of my soul, a remembering that in this world filled with illusions, only love exists. I’ve learned to live in love—to split my heart wide open and lay my soul bare. Have I felt rejected? Yes. Have I felt loss? Yes. Have I felt a pain so deep that I wanted to close my heart off as a form of protection? Yes.
But I haven’t. I stubbornly kept that heart wide open, loving myself and the world more fiercely, and the world has responded in kind through little blessings and profound miracles—unconditional love from others and a growing sense of self.
We are all so much more than we could ever imagine.
Part of this spiritual journey has been remembering who I am not only as an individual on this physical plane, but as a soul—my connection to the divine, to God, to the oneness, to that source energy... However one chooses to phrase that infinite power, that eternal source of love. Part of *that* has been remembering who I am as a healer.
Healing has been my calling for as long as I can remember, I’d just buried it so far down throughout lifetimes—because I had been persecuted for it throughout lifetimes—that I’d forgotten it, ignored it. Slowly, in this lifetime, as I began to realize I was safe here with the support of my beautiful friends and family, I began to unwrap that gift through spiritual studies, through my work.
I chose words as my medium. Through my writing, I’ve been able to touch lives—and I say that with the utmost humility, as that has been a gift to me. I always would say that my writing, my books and my poetry and my posts, didn’t come from me, but that they rose from somewhere deep inside me and spilled out of me like a windstorm. Those of you who are writers know the feeling—it’s something ethereal, something magical, something that feels like a miracle when the words come.
That’s how it started. As I’ve opened up that channel this past year—as I’ve moved from a place of fear to love, as I’ve brought up all that soul sludge meant for healing, as I’ve stepped more fully into who I am and embraced who I want to be—my intuition has grown stronger and my gifts have broadened. As has my longing to be of service to the world, to help heal those who want to be healed, to guide those who are on a similar ascension journey.
I’ve opened myself up to read energy, to receive channeled messages. Sometimes I use the tools of tarot and oracle cards as guides, but more often than not, messages come in waves of thought and energy—clairsentience and claircognisance. I’ve even had episodes where I’ve smelled the distinct scent of beloved ones, though they were miles away.
Believe me, I thought I was going batshit bananas. Part of the pain of this past year was a heart filled with doubt and insecurity. But through that pain, I learned to trust. I learned to have faith.
And now, like The Fool in the traditional tarot deck, I’m taking a leap of faith.
Truthfully, a year ago writing this out would have terrified me. There’s a little nugget of fear in the pit of my stomach even now. But if this year taught me anything, it’s love over fear. And from now on, I only want to live from a place of love.
I want that for all of us.”
Thank you for your love. Thank you for your support. I’m sending so much love and light right back. 💖